We love our Kombucha.
We invest time and energy (if we make it at home) or money (if we buy it at the store into it). We’re devotees. We’re evangelists for its health and wellness benefits.
But suppose somebody just…up and left with our ‘buch?
How far would we go to spite the existence of its stealer? How much would it zotz our Zen?
This woman provides a window into the probiotic-addled mind when she noticed someone took her kombucha from the office fridge, with a series of…office-wide emails.
First, some mild hexes upon the heister:
I hope that you do NOT achieve the re-energizing that you sought. And that the bottle exploded on you and your clothes as you opened it.
Then, some idle threats:
Whoever you are, I certainly hope that you are overrun with probiotics to the extent that you get thrush-mouth from having binged on my Kombucha(s.)
And finally, outright promises of violence:
You ought to know that I have been dubbed the person most likely to kick someone’s ass, by a member of senior management who shall remain anonymous.
Eventually, she relents as someone not only leaves her a kombucha on her desk (after threatening email number three) but a kombucha starter kit as well.
Would you have reacted similarly if someone burglarized your ‘buch?